The Avenger
by DeathByDarkness13
Summary: Sasuke's thoughts when Naruto first infiltrates Orochimaru's hideout with Team Kakashi. Based on episode 50 of Shippuden; seen through Sasuke's eyes. Naruto/Sasuke.


_**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN NARUTO._

_A/N: This fanfic is based on episode 50 of Naruto Shippuden where Team Kakashi is searching for Sasuke within Orochimaru's lair. I was disappointed at how little they revealed about Sasuke especially after waiting 50 episodes for him just to appear, so this is what happened from Sasuke's POV. _

_Oh and also, the lyrics are from Sorry by Daughtry._

_Contains yaoi of the SasuNaru variety. Please review!_

* * *

><p><strong>The Avenger<strong>

_"If I told you I've been cleaning my soul,_

_And if I promise you I'll regain control,_

_Will you open your door and let me in?_

_Take me for who I am,_

_And not for who I've been?"_

_/ Blood. Everywhere._

_"Naruto!" Sasuke cried at the blonde boy in his arms. "Naruto, NARUTO!" The blonde boy stared blankly up at him, reaching for Sasuke's face with his mangled, bloody hand._

_"S-Sas..uke..."_

_"I'm here Naruto," Sasuke whispered painfully, tears running down his pale face. He placed his own hand over Naruto's on his wet face, as he stared horrified at the wounds on the other boy's body. There were gashes all over his tan skin, including a large, ragged hole through his chest. Blood had soaked through his clothing, turning his orange jumpsuit red. It was seeping into Sasuke's clothes, too, as the young Uchiha cradled Naruto tenderly in his arms._

_"Who did this to you?" The raven-haired boy asked shakily, pressing his forehead gently against Naruto's. The blonde smiled weakly, blood trickling down his chin. That was when the realization hit._

_"I… did this?" Sasuke asked in horror. "No..." He peered at his hands; they were stained with blood. No, it's just a dream! I didn't… I would never..! He frantically wiped his hands on his shirt, but the blood wouldn't come off. It was permanent, staining his skin like a morbid tattoo._

_Sasuke stared frightened into the big blue eyes of his rival. Tears poured down his face as he sobbed._

_"Naruto…" I didn't do this to him, I would never! I couldn't, he's my best friend... "I'm so sorry, Naruto I-" The blonde leaned up suddenly, cutting of the distressed Sasuke as he pressed his bloody lips to Sasuke's pale ones. The kiss was soft; Sasuke hugging Naruto close to his body as he tried to control the sobs that wracked through him._

_He tasted blood._

_Naruto reluctantly pulled away, wiping the tears escaping from the raven-haired boy's dark eyes._

_"I love you, Sasuke," Naruto murmured almost soundlessly. "I only wish I could've saved you." Sasuke grabbed the blonde's hand in terror as Naruto closed his eyes. The hand went limp. The young Uchiha gasped as Naruto's body disappeared, leaving him all alone._

_"No, Naruto! Naruto! Don't leave me, please!" He cried helplessly. "Naruto, I need you! Please, Naruto… I don't want to be all alone..." Sasuke hugged his knees, shaking uncontrollably. He put his head down and wept._

_"I need you."/_

Sasuke sat up quickly, eyes flickering open and gasped for air. He was drenched in sweat, a thin blanket tangled around his legs. It was only a dream…

Another nightmare.

He laid back down on his back, staring up at the bare ceiling of his tiny room; one of many in Orochimaru's new lair. The walls were a plain, sandy colour, bare and cold like the rest of the labyrinth that Orochimaru was briefly calling 'home'. Sasuke shivered, feeling lonelier than ever. There were no pictures on the walls or on the empty desk in the corner of the room, no closet full of old clothes his mother had made him, not even a ninja headband lying around- nothing to remind him of his real home. He rolled onto his side on the uncomfortable futon, trying hard not to think of the village he grew up in.

He wouldn't allow himself to be distracted; he was an avenger. All that mattered was killing his cold-blooded older brother, Itachi, no matter the cost. Even if it meant giving up his body to the likes of Orochimaru.

Sasuke clenched his fists angrily as his brother's sneering face filled his mind.

_"You're pathetic."_

The scene played again in his mind, like it had already done a thousand times. His mother and father lying dead on the floor in the middle of their house, while Itachi stood over them with a bloody sword in hand. Blood splattered messily across the walls; the corpses of everyone that he loved and cared for littering the Uchiha grounds…

He was the only survivor.

_I may have been pathetic last time we met, brother... but I've fostered my hatred for you, and have become strong. I will kill you, and avenge our family!_

Revenge. That was all that mattered.

For some reason, Naruto's face appeared in his mind. Sasuke winced. Something deep inside his heart ached and longed for the blonde boy. He missed his best friend, Sasuke couldn't keep telling himself otherwise.

_I'm sorry Naruto._

Sasuke wished he could explain everything to him; tell him his story. But what good would come of it? Naruto would insist on helping, and he wouldn't let the blonde put his life at risk to help him get his revenge. It was way too dangerous; Itachi was a murdering psychopath. Only Sasuke had a chance of killing him- or so he'd like to think. But not only that, Itachi's death _had_ to be by Sasuke's hand, or else he wouldn't be set free and neither would his clan.

Secretly, and ashamedly, Sasuke wished to die along with his brother. He had even considered suicide if he was still alive after killing Itachi. It was pathetic; but the cold, hard mask that Sasuke always put up around people wasn't his true self. Beneath the mask was a tormented, scarred little boy. One that was in an immense amount of pain. Sasuke missed his mother and father, and all of the rest of the Uchihas that had died at the merciless hands of his niisan. His past would always haunt him. It tore up his insides; his heart constantly shrieking with agony and isolation and loneliness. The only person who had seen his true self and his true feelings, was none other than Naruto Uzumaki.

_Why __do __I __keep __thinking __about __you, __Usuratonkachi?_ That annoying, blue-eyed blonde had been haunting him, appearing in his dreams in the worst ways possible. It really threw off Sasuke, and forced him to think of all he had left behind in order to pursue his goal. But why Naruto? Maybe it was because he was the only one who understood the pain Sasuke was going through, or maybe it was because the only regret Sasuke had was leaving Naruto behind, or...

"No, I don't regret anything," Sasuke muttered forcibly, cutting off his own thoughts. "I have to do this on my own." He gritted his teeth, remembering the last time he had seen Naruto. It was in The Final Valley, where they had fought to the extreme, each blow intending to kill. Deep down, Sasuke knew the truth of that battle. But even _he_ had a hard time admitting it to himself.

Sasuke couldn't kill Naruto.

It wasn't a matter of Sasuke's strength- he could have killed him if he truly wanted to- but that was the fact of the matter, Sasuke hadn't _wanted_ to kill Naruto.

That final moment, after their final clash… Sasuke couldn't keep it off his mind. Naruto had been lying unconscious on the wet ground, rain drops falling gently on his face. Sasuke had stood over him, staring down at the innocence and determination still etched onto the face of the boy in the orange jumpsuit, the ends of his unruly blonde hair dripping with cool water. He couldn't tell if it was only the rain, but Sasuke may have been crying. He knew he couldn't kill this incredible boy and that if he did, he would regret it for the rest of his life.

Sasuke had clutched his stomach, keeling over in pain as he coughed up a fair amount of blood. He had fallen to his knees, only to find himself looking down at Naruto, their faces merely an inch apart. He had gazed down at the boy with longing and sorrow, the ends of his jet-black hair tickling the strange whisker marks on Naruto's cheeks. It was then that Sasuke finally understood; Naruto was precious to him.

_"When I'm with you, it's like… I know how it feels to have a brother," Naruto whispered sincerely._

_Stupid U__suratonkachi_, Sasuke thought, biting back tears. He could never return to Konoha. Sasuke Uchiha was a traitor now, a rogue ninja who had chosen his path. The dark, ugly path of revenge. There was no going back now and no room in his black heart full of chrome and battle scars and hatred for regrets.

A small, sane part of him kept saying that he had made the wrong choice. That he should have stayed in the village, and put the pieces of his aching heart back together hand-in-hand with Naruto. That he should have just let his revenge go and moved on like Kakashi had said...

But the larger part of him knew he couldn't do that. He couldn't go on knowing Itachi was still out there, probably taking more lives of innocent families. Sasuke didn't want what had happened to himself to happen to anyone else. How could he let go of the past? It was unthinkable, impossible. Itachi had taken everything away from him, everything he had cared about. He had destroyed him. Sasuke sometimes wished that he had died along with his parents, but knew that if he had there would be no one to get revenge. That was his only purpose for living; he forced himself to believe that.

_I am an avenger. I will restore my clan._

Again, Naruto's face flooded Sasuke's mind. He shuddered as he remembered the nightmare he had just had. Lately, every time Sasuke went to sleep, he woke up sweaty and gasping from some kind of horrific nightmare about the blonde. Like all the others, this one too confused him. Sasuke scrunched up his face as he tried to decipher the meaning behind his dream. _Dreams __can __help __you __better __understand __yourself __and __your __true __feelings_, his mother had once told him.

The worst part of the dream had been Naruto dying, bloody in Sasuke's arms. And it had been _Sasuke_ that had killed him. Maybe that was because- Sasuke's heart lurched painfully. _It's __because...__I __am __killing __him._ Sasuke winced. _I'm __hurting __him __so __much, __I __left __him __alone… __I __abandoned __him..._

Sasuke's lower lip trembled slightly, a single tear rolling down his face. _Naruto, __please __find __it __in __you r__heart __to __forgive __me __someday... __this __was __the __only __way._

He had to leave the blonde, in order to protect him. He wouldn't allow Naruto to suffer along with himself. Sasuke then thought of the kiss, and how Naruto had whispered 'I love you' as he died. Despite himself, Sasuke blushed. Was there more to their rivalry and friendship?

_To __me, __Naruto __is..._ Sasuke paused, deep in thought. Naruto was definitely precious to him. But did he love him? Naruto was the only person he truly cared about. Sure, there was Sakura and Kakashi-sensei as well, but it was different with the blonde boy. Naruto had always pushed him to his limit, encouraging Sasuke to become stronger every time that they fought. They had saved each other's lives on countless occasions, throwing themselves in the line of danger in order to protect each other. They had shared their first kiss with each other, too. Sasuke blushed in embarrassment at the memory. And _that_. Since when did certain thoughts of Naruto make him blush?

Was it strange that he always wanted to be near the blonde? To feel the warmth radiating from him? And his scent, sweet honeysuckle... how Sasuke longed for it. _I __really __do love __him,_ Sasuke realized, not really surprised by his deduction. And maybe that's why…

_/"I need you."/_

Sasuke shivered, feeling more alone than ever. _Naruto __is __everything __to __me. _Their bond couldn't be severed, how foolish of him to think it could be. But in order to get revenge, he had to think it no longer existed. Sasuke had to convince himself that his and Naruto's bond was broken, non-existent, and that the only bond he had with anyone was the bond of hatred, which he shared with his niisan, Itachi.

_I __wonder __if __you'll __ever __be __able __to __forgive __me, __Naruto._ He squeezed his eyes shut and rolled onto his stomach, head faced away from the door. Sasuke couldn't afford distractions or doubts. He still walked on this earth solely to avenge his clan, nothing more.

_I'll __never __give __up __on __you, __Sasuke…_ Naruto's voice echoed eerily inside his head.

_Shut __up, __baka! __Just __leave __me __be, __this __is __my __purpose!_ Sasuke yelled back cruelly in his mind. _I left you so you wouldn't be dragged into this, so you could be happy and become Hokage!_

_You __think __I'm __happy __without __you?_ Sasuke froze at the question the blonde had asked so seriously. He buried his face in his pillow, catching the tears that suddenly burst from his onyx black eyes. Of course he wasn't, and Sasuke wasn't happy either.

But that was the price he had to pay. His happiness in exchange for power.

_It's __the __only __way, __Usuratonkachi..._ Sasuke's heart ached.

_I __believe __in __you, __Teme._ The raven-haired boy fought back more tears, as he tried to make the voice in his head go away. _I __love __you._

"I love you, too dobe," Sasuke whispered, the sound muffled against his pillow. "But this is what I have to do." The voice faded from inside his head, and Sasuke let out a deep, shaky sigh of relief. He briefly wondered if he would lose his sanity on the bloody path he had chosen; voices inside your head were never a good sign.

Everything hurt. The pain of missing his parents, his village, his squad, his Naruto... it was unbearable. But the worst part of it all was that he missed his older brother, even though he was here to take revenge on him. Sasuke had loved Itachi more than anyone else and that was what made it hurt so much. That someone so precious and so close to Sasuke could slaughter everything he held dear, all when he was only a young boy. It was too much for a child to handle, and it had forced Sasuke to grow up a little too fast.

The only thing masking the ache for the old Itachi that he used to love was this newfound love he had for Naruto. It would keep him strong, and give him the strength to move forward.

_Before I realized it, I loved you more than I loved my brother, Usuratonkachi…_

Sasuke rolled over onto his side, his katana jutting out from the thick, purple rope tied tight around the blue fabric around his waist and thighs, over his black pants. Ever since he had joined Orochimaru, he found himself thinking all the time. When he was alone, like right now in the dark, alien room, he didn't have to wear that cold emotionless mask. He could let down all of his emotional barriers and walls that he put up around himself when others were near, and deal with the turmoil inside of him.

But it was too dangerous, to think _too_ much. Sasuke couldn't lose sight of his goal. Even if it meant lying to himself constantly, what had to be done, would be done.

_I'm sorry, dobe._

"My name is Sasuke Uchiha. The only reason for my existence is to get revenge on my elder brother and restore my clan. I am nothing more than an avenger. I will willingly give my body to Orochimaru if it means gaining more power and defeating my brother. My happiness is of no importance. The only bond I share with anyone is the bond of hatred with my brother Itachi. I only spared Naruto's life on a whim, in order not to follow in my niisan's footsteps. I don't care for Naruto, or anyone in the Hidden Leaf Village. I am alone."

Sasuke knew it was a lie; but he needed to pretend it was true. He _needed_ the thought of revenge to consume him in order to get stronger. Sasuke closed his eyes in another attempt at sleep. He was slowly drifting off, when…

"SASUKE!"

_That __voice._ Sasuke's eyes shot open in the dark, the surprise awakening his sharingan within. _Naruto…_ He was here. What the heck did he think he was doing!

Sasuke closed his eyes again in aggravation, his heart unable to contain the pain and longing bubbling up within his chest. _Why are you doing this to me? Why won't you just give up? I don't want to hurt you anymore!_ Sasuke clenched his fist, tightly digging his nails deep into the palm of his hand. He could feel the slick blood squish through his fingers.

The Uchiha fought the urge to cry out; he knew he'd probably have to face the blonde again. Sasuke's heart throbbed in pain dreading seeing Naruto's hopeful blue eyes darken and brim with hurt. Just the thought of killing him another time… it broke Sasuke's heart.

"Stupid Usuratonkachi."

_"When I say I'm sorry, will you believe me?_

_Listen to my story, say you won't leave me_

_When I say I'm sorry, can you forgive me?_

_When I say I'll always be there, will you believe?_

_Will you believe in me?"_

**The End.**


End file.
